[Phonograph Needle Scratching Record]
[Pencil Scratching On Paper]
[Man] All right, you chipmunks. Ready to sing your song?
- [Chipmunk] I'll say we are! - [Chipmunk #2] Yeah. Let's sing it now.
- [Man] Okay, Simon? - [Simon] Okay.
- Okay, Theodore? - [Theodore] Okay.
Okay, Alvin? Alvin?
- [Screaming] Alvin! - [Alvin] Okay!
[Chipmunks] Christmas, Christmas time is near
Time for toys and time for cheer
We've been good but we can't last
Hurry, Christmas Hurry fast
Want a plane that loops the loop
Me, I want a hula hoop
We can hardly stand the wait
Please, Christmas Don't be late
[Bell Ringing]
[Woman] You wanna be Atticus Finch.
- Oh, that makes me feel so good! - I like him.
- Why? - Well, he's honest.
- Yes. - He-He stands up for the right thing.
- Yes. - And-And he's a good father.
- He is. - All by himself. All by himself.
- Did what all by himself? - Raised his kids.
He didn't raise them by himself! Excuse me, who was the woman...
- that came to their house every day? - Calpurnia.
- Calpurnia. He remembered! - And what about Boo?
What about Boo? I think that Boo Radley...
is one of the most interesting characters in To Kill A Mockingbird.
- Excuse me. I'm a teacher. - Huh?
Xmas is not a word in the English language.
It's either "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays."
Oh. Thank you.
Sure.
- Mom. Tell me more about Livia. - She killed everybody off...
so her son Tiberius could inherit the throne...just like Nixon.
[Exhales]
[Mom] Shakespeare... Like those plays we went to see at the Old Globe.
- [Clattering] - Anita?
Hey, Mom.
- Want somethin' to eat? - Oh, no, thanks. I already ate.
- Are you sure? I made soy cutlets. - I'm fine. I already ate.
Wait. You've been kissing.
- No, I haven't. No, I haven't. - Yes, you have. Yes, you have.
- I can tell. - You can't tell.
Not only can I tell, I know who it is. It's Darryl.
What you got under your coat?
It's unfair that we can't listen to our music.
It's because it is about drugs and promiscuous sex.
Simon and Garfunkel is poetry.
Yes, it is the poetry of drugs and promiscuous sex.
Honey, they're on pot.
First, it was butter. Then it was sugar and white flour...
bacon, eggs, bologna...
rock 'n 'roll, motorcycles... then, it was celebrating Christmas in September...
when you knew it wouldn't be commercialized.
- What else are you gonna ban? - Honey, you want to rebel against knowledge.
I'm trying to give you the Cliff Notes on how to live life in this world.
We're like nobody else I know!
I am a college professor. Why can't I teach my own kids?
- Use me! - Darryl says that you use knowledge to keep me down.
He says I'm a "yes" person and you are trying to raise us in a "no" environment.
Well, clearly "no" is a word Darryl doesn't hear much.
I can't live here! I hate you! Even William hates you.
- I don't hate her. - You do hate her. You don't even know the truth.
- Sweetheart, don't be a drama queen. - Feck you!
- Hey! - This is a house of lies!
- [Door Slamming] - [Softly] There it is.
- Your sister used the " f' word. - I think she said "feck."
- What's the difference? - The letter "U."
[Piano]
[Drums]
Oogum, oogum, boogum, boogum
Boogum now baby You're casting your spell on me
And I say, oogum, oogum boogum, boogum, boogum now
Baby, you're casting your spell on me
You've got me doin' funny things like a clown
Just look at me
- [Fades] - Are you really in our grade?
- Yeah. - Hey, guys, check it out.
William doesn't have any pubes.
- How old are you, man? - He's not a man.
- He's a little baby kid. - Bet he doesn't even get zits yet.
Everyone has hair. What's wrong with you?
- [Boy #1] Pipsqueak! - What's your age, man?
- [Boy #3] How old are you? - You're pathetic!
Where are your pubes?
I had 'em.
I shaved 'em off.
[Giggling]
- [Laughing] - He's a funny guy!
See ya, pubes.
- Hey, noodle. - Hi, guys.
Put on your seat belt.
- [Grunting] We got our annuals today. - [Seat Belt Clicking]
- Received your annual. - Right, received.
I look so much younger than everyone else.
Enjoy it while you can.
Mom, it's time.
- Can this wait till we get home? - Mom, pull over.
Tell him the truth. Tell him how old he is.
[Brakes Squeal, Engine Stops]
- He knows how old he is. - The other kids make fun of him because of how young he looks.
Nobody includes him. They call him "The Narc" behind his back.
- They do? - What's a narc?
- A narcotics officer. - Well, what's wrong with that?
- [Sighs] - Come on, you guys. It's no big deal.
I'm twelve. She skipped me a grade.
Big deal. I'm a year younger.
They're 13, I'm 12.
- Aren't I? - I also put you in first grade when you were five...
- and I never told you. - So I'm how old?
Don't you realize that this is gonna scar him forever?
Don't be Cleopatra. We have to be both his mother and his dad.
- [Anita] You put too much pressure on him, - How old...
and when he rebels in some strange and odd way...
- don't blame me. - am I?
I skipped you an extra grade.
You're 11!
- Eleven? - So you skipped fifth grade!
There's too much padding in the grades. I taught elementary school.
Eleven?
You also skipped kindergarten...
because I taught it to you when you were four.
Oh.
This explains... so much.
You've robbed him of an adolescence.
[Scoffs] Adolescence is a marketing tool.
Honey, I know you were expecting puberty...
but you're just gonna have to shine it on for a little while.
Who needs a crowd?
Who put such a high premium on being typical?
You're unique. You're two years ahead of everybody.
Take those extra years and do what you want.
Go to Europe for a year. Take a look around.
See what you like.
Follow your dream.
You'll still be the youngest lawyer in the country.
Your dad was so proud of you. He knew you were a predominantly accelerated child.
What about me?
You are rebellious and ungrateful of my love.
Well, somebody's gotta be normal around here.
[Clicks Tongue] Eleven.
[Anita] This song explains why I'm leaving home to become a stewardess.
We can't talk? We have to listen to rock music?
- [Record Needle Scratching] - [Softly] I love you.
[Simon and Garfunkel Humming]
[Continues]
Let us be lovers
We'll marry our fortunes together
I 've got some real estate here in my bag
Hey, man, take good care of her in San Francisco, man.
- [Scoffs] - And walked off
To look for America
One day... you'll be cool.
Look under your bed. It'll set you free.
Michigan seems like a dream to me now
- Watch the plant. - [Crushing Plant]
It took me four days to hitchhike from Saginaw
- You're 18. I can't stop you. - I 've gone
- To look for America - Bye.
Laughing on the bus
- Playing games with the faces - She'll be back.
[Anita] Ya-hoo!
Maybe not soon.
I said, be careful his bow tie
Is really a camera
Toss me a cigarette, I think there's one in my raincoat
We smoked the last one an hour ago
So I looked at the scenery
She read her magazine
And the moon rose over an open field
[The Who, "Tommy"]
[Guitars Continue]
[Continues]
[Laughing]
- [Horn Honking] - [Laughing]
[Man] Here's a theory, uh, for you to disregard...
[Chuckles] completely.
Music, you know...
true music, not just rock 'n 'roll... it chooses you.
It lives in your car, or alone, listening in your headphones...
you know, with the vast, scenic bridges and angelic choirs in your brain.
It's a place apart from the vast, benign lap of America.
Did you know that "The Letter" by The Box Tops...
was a minute and 58 seconds long?
Means nothing. Nil.
But it takes them less than two minutes to accomplish...
what Jethro Tull takes hours to not accomplish!
You see this? This is fatuous, pseudo blubber!
You know, I mean, which is fine, but...
to foist it off as art...
Or The Doors? Jim Morrison?
- He's a drunken buffoon posing as a poet. - I like The Doors.
Aw, give me the Guess Who. Come on.
They got the courage to be drunken buffoons, which makes them poetic!
It's quite an honor to have the world's greatest rock critic...
- Yes? No. - and editor of Creem magazine...
back home in San Diego for a few days:
- Lester Bangs. - Live "American Woman"?
Have you ever... The most brilliant piece of gobbledygook ever.
Give me some "White Light/White Heat."
Iggy Pop! Amen. [Chuckles]
- I'll put this on. This isn't on your playlist either. - Lester, don't you think...
- it's a little bit early for that? - Not for me.
Okay, that was Lester Bangs, this is Alice Wisdom, and here is Iggy Pop.
[Electric Guitar]
So you're the kid who's been sending me those articles from the school newspaper.
Yeah. Yeah.
I've been doin' some stuff for a local underground paper also.
What are you, like, the star of your school?
- They hate me. - You'll meet them all again...
on their long journey to the middle.
Your writing is damn good. It's just a shame you missed out on rock 'n' roll.
- It's over. It's over! - Over?
You got here just in time for the death rattle.
Last gasp. Last grope.
- At least I'm here for that. - Yeah, what do you type on?
Smith Corona Galaxis Deluxe.
- And you like Lou Reed? - The early stuff.
In his new stuff, he's trying to be Bowie.
He should just be himself.
Yeah, but if Bowie's doin' Lou...
and if Lou's doin' Bowie, Lou is still doin' Lou.
If you like Lou.
- You take drugs? - No.
Smart kid.
I used to do speed.
You know, and sometimes a little cough syrup?
I'd stay up all night, just writin' and writin'.
I mean, like 25 pages of dribble...
You know, about The Faces, or Coltrane.
- You know, just to fuckin' write. - Mm-hmm.
All right. Uh, it's been nice to meet ya.
- Mm-hmm. - Keep sending me your stuff.
I can't stand here all day talking to my many fans.
Yeah. I understand.
- Okay. - Good-bye.
Yeah. Bye.
- Bye. - Bye.
You need a ride?
No, man, I took the bus.
You know, because once you go to L.A., you're gonna have friends like crazy.
But they're gonna be fake friends. They're gonna try to corrupt you.
You got an honest face, and they're gonna tell you everything.
But you cannot make friends with the rock stars.
- Is it okay if I... - If you're gonna be a true journalist...
you know, a rock journalist...
[Mutters, Sighs] First, you never get paid much.
But you will get free records from the record company.
There's just... [Chuckles]
fuckin' nothin' about you that is controversial, man.
[Chuckles] God, it's gonna get ugly, man. They're gonna buy you drinks.
You're gonna meet girls, they're gonna fly you places for free, offer you drugs...
I know, it sounds great, but these people are not your friends.
These are people who want you to write sanctimonious stories...
about the genius of rock stars...
and they will ruin rock 'n 'roll and strangle...
everything we love about it, you know?
'Cause they're trying to buy respectability...
for a form that is gloriously and righteously dumb.
Now, you're smart enough to know that.
And the day it ceases to be dumb is the day it ceases to be real, right?
- Right. - And then it just becomes an industry of... cool.
I'm tellin' you, you're coming along at a very dangerous time for rock 'n' roll.
I mean, the war is over. They won.
And 99% of what passes for rock 'n' roll these days...
silence is more compelling.
That's why I think you should just turn around and go back, you know...
and be a lawyer or something.
But I can tell from your face that you won't.
I can give you 35 bucks.
Give me 1,000 words on Black Sabbath.
- An assignment? - Yeah. Yeah.
[Chuckles]
[Sighs]
Hey.
You have to make your reputation on being honest...
and, uh...
you know, unmerciful.
Honest...
unmerciful.
If you get into a jam, you can call me.
I stay up late.
[Rock Guitar]
[Mom] Look at this. An entire generation of Cinderellas...
and there's no slipper coming.
You just remember, you wanted to be Abraham Lincoln.
You wanted to be Atticus Finch in To Kill A Mockingbird.
You want to get high? Lookin' to get high?
- [Groans] - All I have to do is listen.
- That's what Lester Bangs said. - As long as I know this is a hobby.
I'll pick you up right here at 11:00 sharp.
If you get lost, use the family whistle.
- Good luck. - Thanks.
[Crowd Laughing, Screaming]
[Whistles]
- Don't take drugs! - [Crowd Mocking] "Don't take drugs!"
Don't take drugs!
[Girl] Yes, Mother!
[Buzzing]
Hi. I'm William Miller.
I'm here from Creem magazine, to interview Black Sabbath.
Not on the list.
[Girls Laughing, Chattering]
[Buzzing]
- Sir, I'm a journalist. Here's a copy... - You're not on the list.
Go to the top of the ramp with the other girls.
[Giggling]
[Girl] We won't bite.
What happens after I go to the top of the ramp?
[Chattering]
- Who are you with? - Me? I'm with myself.
No, who are you with. What band?
Oh. I'm here to interview Black Sabbath. I'm a journalist.
- I'm not... Not a... You know. - You're not a what?
You're not a what?
- Not a... groupie. - [Girls] Oh! Groupie?
We are not groupies.
This is Penny Lane, man. Show some respect.
Groupies sleep with rock stars 'cause they wanna be near someone famous.
We're here because of the music. We are Band Aids.
- She ran school for Band Aids. - We don't have intercourse with these guys.
We support the music. We inspire the music.
We're here... because of the music.
Marc Bolan broke her heart, man. It's famous.
It's a long story.
I'm retired now. Visiting friends.
You know, she was the one who changed everything.
She was the one who said...
"No more sex. No more exploiting our bodies and our hearts."
- Right. Right. Right. - Just blow jobs, and that's it.
- [Penny Lane Laughs] - [Another Girl] It's all happening!
- It's all happening! - It's all happening!
- [Together] Mm! - Penny!
- [Squealing] - It's all happening!
Okay, this is our journalist friend.
Journalist friend, meet Polexia Aphrodisia.
Estrella Starr.
And you are...
- William Miller. - [Car Horn Honking]
Here comes Sabbath! Ozzy! Tony, it's us! It's us!
- [Horn Honking] - It's me, Polexia!
[Rock On Car Radio]
- [Garage Door Slamming] - I think I saw Sapphire in there.
[Rock]
Does anybody remember laughter?
Sapphire! [Squeals]
Come on!
[Sapphire] Passes, girls. Come and get 'em.
- Oh, no. Not this one. - Who brought Opie?
- Oh, he's with us. - Top of the ramp!
- Don't go anywhere, Opie. - I'll take care of this...
if I can.
- [Whooping] - [Door Slams]
[Vehicle Approaching]
[Brakes Hissing]
Come on, boys. Pick it up, will ya?
This is outrageous. We're an hour and a half late!
[Man #2] I'm comin', I'm comin'.
[Door Buzzer Buzzing]
- [Banging On Door] - [Man] Freddy!
Open up! It's Stillwater! We're on the show!
[Buzzing Continues]
Hi.
I'm a journalist. I write for Creem magazine.
- Oh, the enemy. A rock writer. - [Buzzing Continues]
Right. Well, I'd like to interview you, or somebody from your band.
Look, I'm sorry, but could you please fuck off?
We play for the fans, not the critics.
- [Man #1] Freddy! - [Banging, Buzzing Continue]
Russell, Jeff, Ed, Larry.
I really love your band. I think the song "Fever Dog"...
is a big step forward for you guys.
And you guys producing it yourselves instead of Glyn Johns...
that was the right thing to do.
And, Russell... Russell, the guitar sound...
is "incindiary."
I- I-Incendiary.
Way to go.
- [Jeff] Hey, man. - [Russell] Don't stop there.
- Where are you goin'? Come back. - I'm incendiary too, man.
I didn't mean fuck off.
- Freddy! - Hey.
- How ya doin', buddy? - How ya doin', Freddy? He's with us.
- Come on this way, bro. - [Freddy] He's not on your list!
Here's a list of people who do belong, all right?
Take a straight and stronger course
- To the corner of your life - [Russell] Red Dog! Hey, Red Dog.
Hey-hey! We're playin' here tomorrow night, man.
- Yeah? - How ya doin', brother?
- [Red Dog] Good to see you, man. - You too.
That's the Allman Brothers Band's number one roadie.
- [Russell] How are the guys? - Havin' a ball, man.
Havin' a ball.
You know, when we have a party, we have an Allman Brothers Band party, man.
Everybody's boogyin'. Everybody's gettin' off. Like family, man.
Hey, we got these now.
- Check that out. - [Oohing, Ahhing]
Yeah, you can taste the colors with your mind, brother.
[Laughing] Y'all gonna be in Maryland, right?
- Yeah. - All right, all right.
Hey, Dickey and Gregg send you love, brother.
Cool.
- Take it easy. See ya, man. - Same to you, brother.
[Jeff] Some people have a hard time explaining rock 'n 'roll...
really explain rock 'n ‘roll.
Maybe Pete Townshend, but that's okay!
Rock 'n' roll is a lifestyle...
and a way of thinking, and it's not about money and popularity...
although some money would be nice.
But it's a voice that says, "Here I am...
and fuck you if you can't understand me."
And one of these people is gonna save the world.
And that means that rock 'n ‘roll can save the world...
all of us together.
And the chicks are great. But what it all comes down to is that thing:
the indefinable thing when people catch something from your music.
What I'm talking about is... wait, what am I talking about?
- The buzz. - The buzz. And the chicks, the whatever...
is an offshoot of the buzz.
Like you saying you liked "Fever Dog." That is the fucking buzz!
Mirage like soft blue like lanterns below
To light the way gladly
Whether whistling heaven's clouds disappear
- Found you a pass. - Where the wind withers memory
Thanks. I got in with Stillwater.
Oh. Stillwater.
Unbending never-ending tablets of time
Record all the yearning
Now, you're mysterious.
Unfearing all-appearing message divine
- How old are you? - Eighteen.
Me too. How old are we, really?
Seventeen.
- Me too! - Actually, I'm 16.
Me too. Isn't it funny? The truth just sounds different.
I'm 15.
What's your real name?
I'll never tell.
- The Enemy! Yes. - Russell! Hey. Hey.
This... is Penny Lane.
Penny Lane, Russell Hammond.
- Pleasure. - "Penny Lane." Like the song.
Have we met?
[Joni Mitchell] Songs of joy and peace
Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
It don't snow here Stays pretty green
I 'm gonna make a lot of money
Then I'm gonna quit this crazy scene
Oh. Come here, man. I wanna tell you something.
I could skate away on
It's not what you put into it.
It's what you leave out.
Listen to Marvin Gaye.
A song like "What's Happening, Brother?"
There's a single "whoo" at the end of the second verse.
You know that "whoo," that single "whoo"?
I know that "whoo." Yeah. Whoo.
Yeah! That's what you remember, man.
It's the little things, the silly things.
The mistakes. There's only one of'em, and it makes the song.
It's what you leave out. Yeah, that's rock 'n' roll.
It's what you leave out.
And you're supposed to be the enemy. What are you, 18?
- Yes. - There you go.
Still young enough to be honest.
All right. Come on. Bring the lights down.
[Cheering, Applauding]
[Stillwater Chanting, Singing, Indistinct]
- Won't you get on my back for a piggyback ride - Hey, get The Enemy in here.
Get on my back for a piggyback ride
- Whoa! San Diego! - You ready, baby?
[Chuckling, Chattering]
- [Crowd Roaring] - [Russell] Hell, yeah!
- [Announcer On P.A.] Good evening, San Diego! - Stand right over there.
Would you please welcome, from Troy, Michigan...
Stillwater!
[Drums]
Ow-w-w!
[Girl] Russell! I love you!
Fever Dog
Scratching at my back door
I hear you howl
Oh, I don't listen no more
Got a feeling I could taste every hair of the fever
- [No Audible Dialogue] - Dog
Come around again Well, that would be the end
Of the fever
Dog
[Guitar Solo]
Scratchin' at my back door
- [Music Ends] - [Cheering]
[Jeff] Thank you!
Hey! You, uh...
You wanna come to L.A.?
We'll be at the Riot House all week.
- Riot House? - Yeah.
The Continental Hyatt House. It's on Sunset Strip.
Oh, yeah. Right. Sunset Strip. Yeah.
[Sighs] Well, tell your friend...
Miss, uh, Penny Lane, to call me.
Tell her it ain't California without her.
We want her around, like last summer.
Say it just like that.
- Mm-hmm. - Got it. Got it.
I'm under Harry Houdini.
[Chuckles] I get it.
- Come on. Let's blow this burg! - The Enemy!
- Come up to L.A. We'll talk some more. - Bye!
- [Polexia] Bye, Opie. - Later, Jeff, Polexia. See ya, Dick.
- [Dick] See ya down the line! - Scully, Ed. See ya, Mick.
Greg. Yeah, later, guys.
Bye, Opie.
- [Crowd Screaming] - Bye.
Hey, Red Dog. Red Dog, I'll see ya later, man.
"The Wheel." "Frosty."
[Chuckles] Ainsworth. Ainsworth. I'll see you around, man.
- Penny! Penny! - Hey! Hey! Be cool.
Penny, you just missed Russell.
He said he's at the Riot House all week and for you to call him.
[Chuckles] He's under the name Harry Houdini.
- You know about the Riot House, right? - I think I've heard of it.
Right, well, he had a message. He said...
"Tell her it's not California without you. We want you around, like last summer."
No! No! He said, " Tell her it ain't California without you, we want..."
- I get the gist. - Right. Right.
So, uh, how well do you guys know each other?
Oh, ho-ho.
[Penny] Call me if you need a rescue. We live in the same city.
[Chuckles] I think I live in a different world.
- [Whistling] - [Chuckling]
Speaking of the world...
I've made a decision.
- I'm gonna live in Morocco for one year. - [Whistling Continues]
I need a new crowd.
Do you wanna come?
Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
- You sure? - Ask me again.
Do you wanna come?
Yes. Yes.
- You've gotta call me. - Okay.
[Whistling Continues]
It's all happening.
- [Whistling] - You all right?
Yeah. Yeah. Great.
[Typewriter Clacking]
[Jeff On Tape] And it's not about money and popularity...
And the chicks are great. Right?
[Tapping On Window]
- Hey, Darryl. - Hey.
So, your sister's a stewardess now.
Yeah, yeah. She and Mom are still sorta...
Well, I'd say... I'd say not speaking...
but I don't know that they ever did.
The things your sister and I used to do inside these four walls.
That's okay. That's okay. I don't want to know.
- It is my room now. - We flew the friendly skies.
Okay, okay, okay.
You seem cooler.
I am... I am thinking about going to Morocco.
Let me know if you need a little help with your mom.
- Little may not be enough. - Yeah, she still freaks me out.
- Yeah. Listen, um, I... - She's famous.
Go ahead and do whatever you were doing.
I'm just gonna hang in here for a moment.
Okay.
[Typewriter Clacking]
I worry about drunk drivers.
Mom, I'm 15. Right?
Yes, you're 15.
And here's that money I owe you.
Your father's favorite joke. I don't do it as well.
No, I thought that was pretty good.
Keep the small bills on the outside.
- And call me if anyone gets drunk. - I will call you...
- if anyone anywhere gets drunk. - Good.
- And don't take drugs. - Ha-ha, very funny. [Laughs]
See? Sense of humor.
Funny joke. Have fun at the dance.
- I'm glad you're making friends. - Mom, stay.
- Okay. [Chuckles] - Love you.
Bye.
I always tell the girls, never take it seriously.
If you never take it seriously, you never get hurt.
If you never get hurt, you always have fun.
And if you ever get lonely...
you just go to the record store...
and visit your friends.
- So, you and Russell... - No!
Russell has a girlfriend, and I can't even say her name.
[Rod Stewart] Spent some time feelin' inferior
- [Shrieks] - [Laughs]
- [Horn Honking] - [Penny Yelling, Indistinct]
Standing in front of my mirror
It's all happening. I'm about to use you as protection.
These guys are with Alice Cooper. I'm gonna pretend like I don't know them.
Penny. Hey. Does Alice know you're here?
Oh, I'm just showing my very dear, very wonderful friend William Miller around.
He's a very important writer. He knows Lester Bangs.
And I'm responsible for his moral conduct while he's abroad.
Penny Lane! God's gift to rock 'n' roll.
I'm retired, and don't argue with me!
- "Retired"? Again? - Penny!
Oh, it's Reg. That's Humble Pie's road manager.
- Hi! - Penny, come to Portland with us, love.
- [Penny] Have we met? - Have we met?
I've made a decision.
I'm going traveling to India...
and then I'm going to learn to play the violin.
And then I'm going to college for one year.
There's nothing they could teach you in college, darling.
- [Laughing] - Right on.
Call Alice. He's staying under the name Bob Hope.
I heard you were with Russell Hammond.
[Penny] Please. I throw the little ones back.
I lost my head.
Martin Bell's a fucking asshole!
And I'm in love with Jeff Bebe.
- Polexia! - Opie?
- Are you okay? - [William] Harry Houdini, please.
Houdini... Harry Houdini!
- It was Sable. - Sable, Sable.
- We had this really great night, and he said... - Houdini.
And I'm in love with Jeff!
I saw them on the 7th floor.
Mr. Jimmy Page, Mr. John Paul Jones...
Mr. Robert Plant... Mr. Robert Plant signed...
signed my T-shirt five minutes ago.
He... Please don't smear it. Oh, gee, no, please don't... Please don't smear it.
But five minutes ago, he touched this pen.
- [Penny] Vic is a Zeppelin fan. - Right, I picked that up.
He tours with them, but not, you know, with them.
Yeah, uh, they're on the 12th floor now, but...
- [Guitar] - [Penny] There's no bigger Zeppelin fan than Vic.
[Together] Please stay, I wanna hear you play
Very dear, very close friend of Lester Bangs...
William... Miller...
Hey, you're that comedian. Leonard.
Blow me!
Come on, William.
Okay, time to put on the lamp shade.
Ladies and gentlemen!
At this time, please extinguish all smoking materials...
for the captain has turned on the No Smoking sign.
Your seats and tray tables should be locked and in their full upright position.
Ee-yew! [Speaking Poor French]
- The hell with it! - [Crowd Cheering]
- [Penny] Play on. - Miss Penny Lane.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
... sooner or later
Because the revolution's here
Act One, in which she pretends she doesn't care...
about him.
Act Two, in which he pretends he doesn't care about her...
but he goes right for her.
We have got to get it together
Act Three, in which it all plays out...
the way she planned it.
- She'll eat him alive. - We have got to get it together now
- We've got to stop them. - Stop them?
You were her excuse for coming here.
- I need ice. - Lock up your streets and houses
- Because there's somethin' - Hi, man.
In the air
We've got to get together sooner or later
[Polexia] I worry about people using her.
'Cause she brings out the good side in everybody else, but what do they do for her?
Because the revolution's here
Life kills me. Do you have any pot?
- And you know it's right - No. Not on me.
- Do you smoke? - No.
But, uh, I-I grow it.
Yeah. Grow it.
Funny... Um, funny...
if you were only taller and English and rich and a guitar player...
and older.
I'd... I'd be somebody else.
Yeah. Good point.
The Enemy.
I'm always around if you wanna talk some more.
- Okay. - All right.
Bless me, Father, for I may sin tonight.
- How does it end? - What?
The story about the girl who dumps the guy who has the ex-ex-wife?
Calls her a hundred...
Okay, five times...
and doesn't even leave a pass in San Diego.
I mean, wake up.
I'm retired.
I never believed you, anyway. You're too good-looking and too talented to be trusted.
- Everybody knows that. - You're retired like Frank Sinatra's retired.
Miss Penny Lane, let me tell you what rock 'n ‘roll will miss...
the day that you truly retire.
The way that you turn a hotel room into a home.
The way that you pick up strays wherever you go.
The way that you... you know the words to every song.
Every song, especially the bad ones.
It's mostly the bad ones.
- That green coat in the middle of summer. - [Ice Clinks In Glass]
The real name that you won't reveal.
[Ice Clinks In Glass]
I could keep goin', but my glass is full.
Damn.
- [Moans] - [Exhales]
[Exhales] Comin' to Arizona?
Never.
We leave Thursday morning, 9 a.m., and pack light this time.
- Jesus. - [Laughing]
[Penny Laughing]
[Phone Ringing]
- Hello? - [Man] William Miller?
- This is he. - William, this is Ben Fong-Torres.
I'm the music editor at Rolling Stone magazine.
We got a couple copies of your stories from the San Diego Door.
- Is this the same William Miller? - [In Deep Voice] Yes, it is.
"Voice of God, howling dogs, the spirit of rock 'n' roll."
- This is good, solid stuff, man. - Well, thanks...
[Continues, In Deep Voice] Uh, thanks. Thanks.
Listen, I think you should be writing for us. Any ideas?
- Uh, how about Stillwater? - Stillwater?
"Hard-working band makes good." New album out, their third.
Starting to do something. Crazy.
Let's do 3,000 words. Join the band on the road.
We'll set up billing. Don't let the band pay for anything.
We can only pay, let me see, 3,000 words...
Seven hundred dollars.
All right, a grand. What's your background? Are you a journalism major?
- Yeah. - What college?
- [Line Clicks] - Honey, I need you to do that thing that fixes the garbage disposal.
Well, I certainly know how my lady gets when you don't snap to it.
- Crazy. Crazy. - Crazy.
- [Lester] Stillwater?
Beware, beware of Rolling Stone magazine...
'cause they will change your story...
they'll rewrite it, you know, turn it into swill...
B-But besides that, what would be wrong with it?
[Chuckles] You got starry eyes, my friend.
Uh, look. Uh... Do the story.
Who cares, you know? It'll be good for ya.
Remember this: Don't do it to make friends with people...
who are trying to use you to, uh...
further the big business desire...
to glorify worthless rock stars like Stillwater!
Don't let those swill merchants rewrite you.
[Chuckles] "Swill merchants."
- That's good. - Yeah, swill merchants.
Now, what are you listening to?
- Stillwater. - Stillwater? Fucking kid's doin' drugs.
[Mom] No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
No more than four days, and give me a phone number where you are every minute.
Call me twice a day, and you do not miss more than one test!
And no drugs.
Oh, this is a big mistake.
[Allman Brothers, "One Way Out"]
[Laughing, Chattering]
[Man] Look at Tony the Tiger.
- [Shrieks] - Come on, Doris, you darling bus. You can make it.
Ain't but one way out, baby
Lord, I just can't go out the door
- This is what I was talkin' about. - Russell.
Excuse me. Um, I was wondering if maybe we could...
find some time to talk when we get to Phoenix.
I want to interview everybody separately, and I thought we'd start with...
- just you and me. - Absolutely.
Because I've got a thing in a couple of days.
- What? - Oh, it's a thing, uh...
where you go there to graduate.
School.
[Russell] I never graduated, and look what happened.
You're here interviewing me.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't put that in Rolling Stone.
- Man, our bios say that we all graduated. - [Laughing]
- Him with honors. - [Laughing]
We'll figure out something better later, okay?
Just enjoy the ride.
- Keep playing that song. - All right, man.
I may need to stay in your room tonight.
Russell's in a bad mood. He's very Bob Dylan and Don't Look Back today.
- He's trying to write. - Yeah. Sure.
- Yeah? You okay? - Sure.
Yeah.
Could you put a "Do not disturb" on my phone?
Here's your key. Here's your room key.
Larry, put this on, and that bag's in 10.
Hey, come by in a few minutes. We'll do that interview.
- All right? - Sure. Sure.
Is this Mr. Miller?
- Yeah. - You have a message from Elaine.
Your mother. She's a handful.
- [Sapphire] I'm going crazy. I have nowhere to stay. - I know.
She freaked me out.
Tell her to stop.
[Sapphire] Let them do what they do.
Penny? Finally, you are here.
[Sapphire] They threw me out of my room.
- I got in a fight with Ozzy... - I'm worried, man.
[Russell] No, you can trust him. He's a fan.
But it's Rolling Stone. He looks harmless...
but he does represent the magazine that trashed "Layla," broke up Cream...
ripped every album Led Zeppelin ever made.
Don't forget the rules, man.
This little shit is The Enemy. He writes what he sees.
If I don't get into a room and take a Valium...
Although, it would be cool to be on the cover.
[Singing Along With Record] Offer myself to the world
You are going to get me in so much trouble!
Oh, my God.
Simon Kirke from Bad Company is by the pool.
[Girls Shrieking, Giggling]
[Rock, Faint]
[Penny Laughing]
Housekeeping.
[Russell] Go away!
Should I come by later?
Yes. I'm in too truthful a mood.
- Maybe that's a good thing. - Go away!
- You okay? - Yeah.
- [Russell] Go away! - Don't worry. Come to the radio interview tonight.
- 'Kay? Okay. - Go away!
- Bye. - So rude!
[Guitar Solo]
[Continues]
Dark moon, yeah
Takes a fool's moon morning
Well, outside my window
Outside my pain
I seen my little girl
My sweet love thing, yeah
The guitar and songwriting of Russell Hammond.
The vocal stylings of Jeff "Behbay"... "Baybay"...Jeff "Baybay"...
- "Behbay." - Uh, Bebe.
Bebe. "Fever Dog."
The band is Stillwater. Watch with your mind as they materialize.
Like my daddy once told me
Look at the dogs wearing the funny hats, juggling just for you...
freaks and family.
It's Quince with Stillwater, here, live.
It's The Night Circus.
Every minute a baby is born somewhere.
Life. Death.
Hermetically sealed bags of human emotion.
Bags of love.
Bags of kindness?
- [Snickering] - How'd you all get together?
Well, not to get into a "me" thing, but I did start the band...
some time, actually, ago, and I placed an ad in a magazine called Peaches...
and Russell Hammond answered.
- Peaches. - I think it was a gift from God, actually.
Nobody plays like Russell Hammond.
- Aw, shit, man. Thank you. - Shh. Shh.
Might want to hit that delay button there, Quincy.
Quince?
- [Snores] - [Laughing]
Now we're talkin', right?
Right? Why the fuck do you have to wait till an interview in Arizona...
to say something nice about me?
Why don't you say it to my fucking face sometimes?
'Cause I tell you every time I think you nail something.
Everybody pays you compliments.
It's not my fucking job...
to kiss your fucking ass.
Seriously, then whose fucking job is it...
because my ass is dying for a kiss, man...
and I know yours is too.
Uh, it's, uh, my fucking job, and I think you're all geniuses...
and I'd like to say to the folks out there...
- I'd like to leave you with this thought: smegma. - [Jeff] Nice.
- Fellas? - Feces.
- [Laughing] - The name of the song...
is "Love Thing."
Your mind is starting to take effect.
They've all come to watch you swallow fire.
You scream...
soundlessly on The Night Circus.
[Recording Stops]
I thought that went well.
- [Russell] Yeah. - [Jeff] Yeah, absolutely.
[Phone Ringing]
- [Sighs] Pronto? - May I speak with William, please?
He's still down in the bar with the band. They just got back from the radio station.
Is this Maryann, with the pot?
Hello?
No. This is not Maryann with the pot.
This is Elaine. His mother.
Could you give William a message for me, please?
Tell him to call home immediately, and also tell him...
I know what's going on.
All right. Okay. But I'm just gonna say this, and I'm gonna stand by it:
You should be really proud of him.
[Scoffing] 'Cause I know men, and I'll bet you do too.
He respects women, and he likes women.
And let's just pause and appreciate a man like that.
I mean, you've created him out of thin air, you know, you raised him right.
He's havin' a great time. He's doin' a good job.
And, don't worry, he's still a virgin, and we're all lookin' out for him.
You know? That's more than I've ever even said to my own parents.
[Laughs] So there you go.
[Chuckling Softly]
- This is the maid speaking, by the way. - [Line Clicks]
- [Woman] Can you please hold it down? - [Laughing, Jeering]
- Russell! So, what is it you love about music? - [Laughs]
Shut that thing off for a second, and I'll tell you the truth, all right?
[Click]
Look, uh... Fuck. I trust you, so I'm just gonna lay this right on ya.
- Just make us look cool. - [Chuckles]
I will quote you warmly and accurately.
Well, that's what I'm worried about.
You see, some of us...
we got girlfriends back home, you know?
Some of us have wives.
And some of the people that you meet on the road...
are really amazing people.
Like you.
Yeah. But some of the stuff that happens, it's good for...
a few people to know about, as opposed to, say...
[Sighs] a million people.
- Do you understand what I'm tryin' to say? - Yeah. Oh, y...
'Cause, see, you're dangerous.
You see everything.
Most people, they're just waiting to talk.
But you listen.
See, I grew up with these guys, but I can't play all that I can play.
I'm past 'em, as musicians, but...
the more popular we get, the bigger their houses get...
the more responsibilities, the pressure, you know...
the harder it gets for me to walk out on 'em.
Then you forget...
forget what it's like to be a fan.
You hear it in bands all the time. Doesn't sound like music anymore, you know?
Sounds like...
lifestyle maintenance or something.
"Lifestyle maintenance." That's...
I used to be able to hear...
the sounds of the world... everything.
To me, it sounded like music.
And now I don't hear it, you know, anymore.
- Do you understand what I'm trying to say? - Yeah.
- Help me! [Shrieking]
[Laughs] What am I doin'?
I'm telling secrets to the one guy you don't tell secrets to.
No. No, w-we'll, uh...
We'll do the interview tomorrow.
- Okay. - Okay.
So, tonight, it's...
- uh, friends. - [Chuckles] Right.
We trust ya.
Larry Fellows, how would you describe your role in Stillwater?
What is the chemical you add to the chemistry?
I'm the bass player.
Right.
And when you take that away, what would be missing?
Stylistically, what chemical?
The bass?
Okay.
- [Intro to "Love Thing"] - [Crowd Roaring]
Dark moon, yeah
Takes a fool's moon morning
- [Buzzing] - Outside my window
- [Buzzing Stops] - Outside my pain
- [Crashes] - [Music Stops]
[Feedback Humming]
[Feedback Squealing]
- [Jeff] What's going on? - [Dick] Russell just got electrocuted!
[Booing]
Okay! Everybody, be cool!
Come on, come on. Let's get on the bus. Let's go, let's go.
This is bullshit, man. Who's takin' care of us? Who's responsible for the gear?
I'm gonna deal with it. Get on the bus. Please, everyone.
- Come on. Let's go, let's go! - Hey, cowboy.
- Hey, hey. You the manager of this band? - Yes! That and more!
Yeah, well, you didn't finish your full set, man.
Listen, pal, your shoddy stage setup...
- almost killed my guitarist! - Yeah, well, you trashed my fuckin' dressing room...
- and you didn't do your 25 minutes. - You don't fuck with...
- my band's safety, ever! - Well, fuck you, man. I'm gonna report you...
to every promoter in this country!
- I'm gonna talk to Frank Barcelona tonight! - You don't know Frank Barcelona!
- You're a bunch of amateurs! - Fuck off!
- You want it? You want it? - Come on! Come on!
What do you got? What do you got?
[Shouting, Indistinct]
Hey, watch the shirt, fuck! Now I'm gonna kick your ass.
Take it easy. Take it easy, man.
I hope you got a good lawyer.
You better make a live album, 'cause this is your last fuckin' tour! What? What?
- [Shouting] - What is that? What are you, Bruce Lee?
- Come on. - Come on.
- Take it easy! - [Laughing]
[Promoter] Lock the gates! Motherfucker!
- Go through the fucking gate. - This is your last fucking tour, man!
Lock the gates on these fuckheads!
- Where's my goddamn cart? - [Sapphire] William?
William? William. William!
I forgot to tell you. Your mom called.
She says you gotta call home immediately.
And she says to tell you, "I know what's going on."
So, I'll see you guys in Topeka, okay?
[Grunts]
- [Bus Passengers Laughing, Shouting] - Amateurs!
You don't know who you're dealing with here! Lock the gates!
[Laughing, Hooting]
- You wanna buy a gate? - [All] Yeah!
[Cheering Continues]
[Manager] You just bought a gate!
I don't know how I'm gonna tell you
I can't play with you no more
Hey, give that to me, William.
Give me that!
[Gasps, Sighs, Chuckles]
- Russell, wake up. - [Snapping Fingers]
Wake the fuck up, man. It's a girls' running team.
Goddamn!
Let it go, Fellows. Let it go, buddy.
[Larry] Dick, when do we get in to Topeka, man?
[Dick] Larry, you're a sick individual. Leave it alone.
Wake up, man. Look at all these fucking tasty-looking high school girls.
[Dick] We can't stop the bus every time you see a girl in shorts.
Hey. When we go to Morocco, I think we should wear...
completely different clothes and be completely different people.
What will our names be?
[Camera Clicks, Whirs]
What do you think of Russell?
I like him. But that's between us.
Because I am a professional.
You should give 'em a break. There are real problems in the band.
- Off the record. - What problems?
Okay, I got it. Your name should be Spencer, and mine will be Jane.
- I can't keep up with you. - Oh, no one can.
You're comin' to Cleveland, right?
Cleveland, Ohio? Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I have to get my interview with Russell before Greenville.
And you've got to help me, okay?
Here's the thing about Russell.
He's my last project. I only do this for a very few people...
and I think we should do it together.
Because all the guys are good, but he could be great.
What's your real name?
Whoo!
[Dick] All right, let's go!
[Chattering]
Oh, it's okay. I'm easy to forget.
Just leave me behind!
I'm only the fucking lead singer!
Hey!
So, Ed Vallencourt...
what do you love about music?
Okay. Okay.
[Elaine] You told me you would tell me where you were every minute.
- You told me you would call me twice a day. - I know!
- You told me you wouldn't miss even one test. - I'll be home for graduation.
- Mom... - Where are you?
Right now, Topeka. Then Greenville, then home.
What about graduation? We had an agreement, William.
I'm sorry I didn't call you yesterday.
I guess I just miss you, and I don't understand why...
I've driven my two kids so far away from me.
By all practical rules, don't I get you for another three years?
- Was I not fun? - Yes.
William! This is Beth from Denver.
She's one of the legendary, original Band Aids.
- She's clairvoyant! - Oh, I can't read your mind or anything.
I mean, I pick up things here and there.
Estrella says hi. She says I can stay in your room.
- Sure. - [Beth] Great!
I've got some hydroponic pot!
- Wow, your aura is really fantastic! - [Elaine] Hey, hey!
- It's this beautiful purple color. - [Elaine] I love you.
I missed the last thing you said.
- Mom? - [Beth] Your aura is purple!
- I love you. - What?
- Purple, it's purple. - [William] Mom, what?
- Your aura is purple. - I miss you and I love you!
I love you.
[Chuckling]
[Chattering]
[Exhales] All right.
Fire away. I'm ready.
Do you have to be depressed to write a sad song?
Do you have to be in love to write a love song?
Is the song better if it really happened to you?
Like "Love Thing." Where did you write that, and who is it about?
When did you get so professional?
Gentlemen, your first T-shirts have arrived.
[Band Members] Yeah! Yea-a-ah!
- Yes! - [Whooping, Cheering]
Oh, man.
[Sighing]
It's the record company's mistake, and they will pay.
T-shirts are gone. Band happy, all right?
Can we just skip the vibe and go straight to us laughing about this?
- Yeah, okay. - Because I can see by your face you want to get into it.
How can you tell? I'm just one of the out-of-focus guys.
[Clicks Tongue] Here.
Take it. Let's take a good look at it, all right?
See, you love this T-shirt.
It lets you say everything you want to say.
- Well, it speaks pretty loudly to me. - It's a T-shirt.
Do you give a shit about a T-shirt?
I'm just hungry, man. Let's just go out and find some barbecue or somethin'.
- I'm always gonna tell you the truth. - Are you doing coke again?
Oh, yeah! All the time!
This is big stuff, man.
From the very beginning, we said I'm the front man...
and you're the guitarist with mystique.
That's the dynamic we agreed on.
Page, Plant. Mick, Keith.
Blackmore, Gillan.
But somehow it's all turning around.
We have got to control what's happening!
- There's a responsibility here. - [Russell] Excuse me...
but didn't we all get into this to avoid responsibility?
I can't say any more with the writer here.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You can trust him. Say what you want.
He won't write it.
Look, I work as hard, or harder, than anybody on that stage.
You know what I do? I connect.
I get people off!
I look for the one guy who isn't getting off...
and I make him get off.
Actually, that you can print!
And yet, why do I always end up feeling...
like I'm a joke to you?
Look, you want to pretend this isn't gonna be a very big band?
Well, it is! You call yourself a leader of this band...
but your direction allowed this T-shirt...
when you allowed Dick to manage us.
'Cause he's your friend!
Don't you see, man? The T-shirt is everything.
All right, is it my turn now? Because I think we should, for once...
- say what we really mean. - Oh, this is the part where you quit!
- Right. I'm so predictable. - Deal with it.
- And let me just say what nobody else wants to say... - [Screaming] What?
Your looks have become a problem.
- [Dick] All right, okay. Enough! - [Scoffs]
[Dick] Break it up. Everyone out of the room for five minutes.
[Angry Muttering]
[Shouts] Hey! Yeah. William. Sorry.
Come on, man. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
Let's go find something real.
From here on out, I'm only interested in what is real... real people, real feelings.
That's it. That's all I'm interested in from here on out.
You're real.
Thanks.
You know, you know all about us, and I don't know shit about you.
Tell me, what's your family like?
My dad died of a heart attack...
and my sister believes that my mom is so intense that she had to escape our family.
They can't seem to find a way to get through it.
I mean, they don't even speak to each other anymore.
Plus, she gave me all her albums, and now she's a stewardess.
[Chuckles] It's good to talk about them, really good.
But here I am, telling secrets to the one guy you're not supposed to tell secrets to.
Aha.
[Hooting] You're Russell from Stillwater.
- [Warbling] - Yeah, on my better days I'm Russell from Stillwater.
You wanna go to a party at my friend Aaron's house?
I know you're a big rock star and all...
but do you want to hang with some good people looking to have a good time?
We're just real Topeka people, man.
No.
I think I'd like to go back home
And take it easy
There's a woman that I'd like to get to know
You too. Thank you.
Oh, my God. Holy shit. I grew up with that lamp shade, man.
I love this kitchen. I fucking love this kitchen!
[Cheering]
Everybody knows this is nowhere
That's William over there. Hey, William!
You, Aaron, are what it's all about.
You're real. Your room is real.
Your friends are real.
Real, man. Real, you know?
Real.
Real, you know?
You-You're more important than all the silly machinery.
The silly machinery. And you know it.
In 11 years it's gonna be 1984, man. Think about that.
- Wanna see me feed a mouse to my snake? - Yes.
- Can I have that bitchin' belt? - Take it.
- Thanks, man. - Thank you, brother.
[Hooting]
Russell, we should probably get back with the others.
- Oh, it's over, daddy. - Hey.
There's acid in the beer that's in the red cups.
Uh, that's mine.
Topeka. Check it out!
Please don't give him any more acid. Thank you.
Dick. Dick, I got him.
He's okay. He is on acid, though.
I can't really tell.
How do you know when it's kicked in?
I am a golden god!
- [Cheering] - Yes, you are!
I am a golden god!
Hey, Russell, don't jump!
And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine...
that my last words...
were...
- I'm on drugs. - [Cheering]
Russell, I think we should work on those last words.
Okay. Oh, I got it. I got it. I got it.
This is better.
Last words...
I dig music.
- Yeah. - [Groaning]
I'm on drugs!
Look, just come on down, and we'll go back to the hotel.
- Okay. - Jump!
[Cheering, Shouting, Whistling]
[Cheering, Shouting Stop]
- Uh, he's not comin' up. - Something's wrong.
[Young Woman] I'll save you, Russell!
[Dick] They've been crying for you like a bunch of whimpering pussies.
Oh, the band's over. This is my family now.
Yeah, that's right, man.
- Definitely. It's over. - [Young Woman] He's staying with us.
Let's just ride on down to Greenville...
we'll listen to some great music, we'll finish the tour...
and we'll leave those ungrateful fools behind.
Then we'll come back here where you'll live.
- Yeah, and he can stay in our basement. - Yeah.
- I see what you're doing, and I like it. - Okay, good.
- Come on. - I got it, man.
- [Groaning] Yeah. - I got it.
That felt kind of good, though.
Excuse me, kids.
Look at him. He's taking notes with his eyes.
How do we know you're not a cop? Huh?
- The Enemy! Stop fuckin' looking at me! - Easy!
He's your guardian angel, all right?
Don't worry. He only means half of what he says.
Which half?
Dick, just help me get my interview. I have to go home, Dick.
Dick, I have to go home.
Look, you saved the tour, and that's good enough for now. All right?
- Come on, big fella. Let's go. - I hurt the flower.
Did you, man? Did you hurt the flower? That's nice.
Come on. On the bus.
Ladies and gentlemen, the evening is over.
We hope you all enjoyed yourselves, and we'll see you all again in 1974.
- Good evening! - Yeah! Whoo!
Blue jean baby
L.A. lady
Seamstress for the band
Ballerina
You must have seen her
Dancing in the sand